Tonight, my boredom drove me to new heights. Since I’m so broke, I decided that I will definitely spend my weekend locked away in my house, because every time I set foot in my driveway, I seem to come back inside the house at least $30 poorer. And since I have to save up my money to go to Boston next week, it seemed like a rather excellent plan. So I’ve been debating for about 2 days or so, whether or not to relax my own hair, since my trusty new stylist informed me rather unceremoniously that she doesn’t use outside products at her salon. After calling around all of Fort Lauderdale to see which friend/cousin I have that can slap in this Phyto relaxer, I decided to just shell out my $60 (which I don’t have btw) and to go see my Dominican lady in the morning. Much safer that way.

9:30pm

I get home, unpack my Tide, Downy, Oxy Clean, Bleach, 2 bottles of conditioner and my new silk scarf (mind you, I went to Family Dollar to pick up a bottle of bleach and some distilled water. I got the bleach. No water. And somehow ended up $26 poorer with a bunch of other crap), then proceed to do my favorite thing: watch the Office. Somehow, while sitting around peacefully watching my show, I decided that I’m NOT going to see Maria (Dominican lady)in the morning, and I’ll just relax my hair myself! So before I changed my mind, I run into the bathroom, and immediately mix the crème, knowing that once that’s mixed, there’s no turning back. Now I have NEVER given myself a relaxer before. Ever. In my almost 30 years of existence (good grief…almost 30? *sob*). But I figured that even though I was scratching my scalp wildly all day long, since I’d heard such good reviews about the Phyto relaxer, that I’d be fine. It wouldn’t burn at all! LIES! ALL DAMN LIES!!!

10:05pm:

First off, I’m pretty sure I over-processed. There’s no way I could’ve followed the instructions and applied the whole mixture in 7 minutes. In 7 minutes, I was halfway thru my first quadrant of hair!! Had my timer out and everything!! So I trudge along anyway, even tho I’m definitely over time and do the best I can. Tried to leave the edges out for last as per the instructions. I think the edges laughed at me tho, knowing they were going to be absolute bastards. I almost wept in sorrow. I couldn’t be mad tho, because 1) I was clearly over my allotted time, and 2) I definitely should’ve chosen index 1, not 2. I’m not brand new to my fine hair. 

11:02pm:

SO finally I hop in the shower with my neutralizing shampoo, which clearly states that I must keep applying and rinsing out all the relaxer, until the suds stop being pink and turn plain white. When the suds stop being pink, all the relaxer is out the hair. 10 hours later in my mind, I’m on my 7th wash, and my fingers look like raisins, and its STILL pink. So I decide to leave it in, and since my shower looked a little grimy, went and got my Tilex, Axion and my scrub brush and got to work. Then washed out the shampoo one last time. Still pink. I gave up. Refused to wash one more time. My fingers were on the verge of becoming nubbins. Not that serious. 

11:55pm:

I applied the Milky restructurer (I guess that was the conditioner that came in the Phyto kit), sat with that for 20 mins and watched some more Michael Scott, then went into the shower, rinsed that out, only to hate the feel of my freshly relaxed hair, so I decided to deep condition my hair. 

12:30:

I threw in my Silicon Mix and coconut oil mixture, and placed myself under the dryer for 20 minutes. I guess that helped somewhat. After that, I went to the kitchen and got my apple cider vinegar and some drinking water (b/c I didn’t but the distilled water that I set out to get), rinsed out the deep conditioner in warm water, then gave my head a final rinse with the cold ACV mix. Out the shower, I broke out my leave in and more coconut oil. Still didn’t like the slight crispiness, so I made a conditioner. 

1:45am:

Did a rollerset, and now here I am, under the dryer, at 1:51am, typing this b/c I’m bored all over again. 

SO basically, my boredom at 9:30p, has led me to more boredom at almost 2am. I should probably read a novel or something….should’ve had that bright idea a long time ago. Maybe then my hairline wouldn’t be on fire! I’m gonna go back and watch the Office now. Holla!!