2 weeks ago I was scrolling my local Whole Foods website for no apparent reason. Well actually I think I was there to find out what wholesome item I could get that was on sale. While there I came across this “cooking- class” which showed you how to cook healthier meals and the like. Since I’m always trying to find healthier ways to cook my meals, I got super excited and decided to attend the Orientation that was the next day. When I got there, there were over 60 people in attendance, crammed into the tiny store café. I perched up on the window ledge beside some rather rowdy old ladies, and started listening.

This was supposed to be a class to introduce us to the Engine 2 Diet Challenge, a 28 day eating plan to completely cut out garbage out of our diets. Upon further explanation, I realized that this was NOT a cooking class (Lord knows I don’t know what the heck I thought I’d read on the website the day before). Yea the lady was cooking, but I wouldn’t be cooking with her! So disappointing. I considered leaving, but thought, “eh what the heck! Might as well learn a thing or 2 anyway”.

What Exactly Is the Engine2 Diet?

The engine 2 diet is a vegan diet. Long and short of it all. Eat a plant based diet full of nutrient rich plant based foods. Leaves, beans, tofu, etc….4 people immediately left the class once they realized that meat had to be eliminated. I stayed. Why? Because there’s no law that says I have to follow the diet to the very end. And this could be good for me anyway. I’ll learn to cut out meat (which means I’ll just scale back considerably), and learn how to make other foods! Everybody wins!

Week 1: cut out dairy, processed foods and sugar.

I AM STRUGGLING! I’m lactose intolerant, so cutting out dairy isn’t a big deal. The only dairy I eat all the time is yogurt. So I went and found a substitute – So Delicious Coconut Milk Greek style Yogurt Plain. I loved it! I thought it would taste like regular plain yogurt (which tastes like ass-cheeks to me, no joke), but it was sweet!!! Plain yogurt that tastes sweet! How great is that?! Hmm….how….great… is that??? No that cant be right…..I checked the label – sweetened with organic dried cane syrup. AKA SUGAR! Now it’s not a bad sugar, but it’s a sugar. E2 diet only allows honey, molasses and maple syrup as sweeteners. SO I’ve already failed! Ah well! I’ll try again when I go back to the store.

Week 2: No animal protein. (if it has a mother, or a face, u cant eat it lol)


No chicken, fish, pork, beef, venison, blah blah blah. Find protein elsewhere.
(I think I’ll leave some fish in and eat sporadically)

Week 3: NO oils.
I might have to invest in a better non-stick pan! And some Scotch Brite.

Week 4: I think is to go fully plant based. 

I’d have to check the book and see what it is. Yes there’s a book. It was on sale at Whole foods for $24.99. I asked why it was
so pricy. They looked annoyed that I would ask such a question and told me it was a good investment and it’s worth every penny. Ha! Well guess what?! Times are hard. I went on Amazon and got it brand new for $14.99 with Amazon Prime. Got it 2 days later in my kitchen. SUCKERS!!


I’m reading and reading! Tomorrow we cut out animal protein. Kill me now!
WISH ME LUCK!

Recently I found out that my best friend is pregnant with her first child. Since I’ve been pressing her to have a baby so I can claim my niece/nephew, I was over the moon when she told me about the baby. That lasted for about a week, then reality set in. I was already slightly disgruntled (seriously, only slightly) because she got married and life now revolved around her husband and no longer included me as much, and so I couldn’t plan little random trips like back in the day b/c she had to get clearance from the spouse (which she rarely got, so we kinda just gave up). Now there’s my small niece/nephew on the way, and suddenly I feel bad for her. She’s never complained. ON the contrary, she’s happier than I’ve ever seen her. She’s in a stable loving relationship, has a good job, husband bringing in the dough, and now has her own little bundle of joy on the way. I can’t be mad that she’s that happy. But I think about the fact that she hasn’t travelled the world. Hasn’t seen a thing. Hasn’t experienced ANYTHING.

I understand that there are women out there who strive for stability and family. But is that all there is to work towards? Is this her life from here on out? Doesn’t she desire to travel outside of this country? To see the 7 wonders? I remember last year (or the year before) I wanted to go see the Grand Canyon soooo so badly so I emailed a few of my friends and cousins to see who was interested in making this exciting trip with me. I mean really now! The Grand Canyon!!! A naturally formed canyon. Made by God and nature. Such magnificence. I had a few takers. Most people couldn’t even consider it because they were broke. My bff’s response: “You want me to fly to the other side of the country to see some rocks? Please. No thanks!” I remember frowning and becoming completely silent when she said that. Then excused myself off the line to call my boyfriend and express my disbelief at the response.

There’s so much out there to see. So much to do! I haven’t even started, as far as I’m concerned. But I guess different strokes for different folks. Grand Canyon, here I come!!

Tonight, my boredom drove me to new heights. Since I’m so broke, I decided that I will definitely spend my weekend locked away in my house, because every time I set foot in my driveway, I seem to come back inside the house at least $30 poorer. And since I have to save up my money to go to Boston next week, it seemed like a rather excellent plan. So I’ve been debating for about 2 days or so, whether or not to relax my own hair, since my trusty new stylist informed me rather unceremoniously that she doesn’t use outside products at her salon. After calling around all of Fort Lauderdale to see which friend/cousin I have that can slap in this Phyto relaxer, I decided to just shell out my $60 (which I don’t have btw) and to go see my Dominican lady in the morning. Much safer that way.

9:30pm

I get home, unpack my Tide, Downy, Oxy Clean, Bleach, 2 bottles of conditioner and my new silk scarf (mind you, I went to Family Dollar to pick up a bottle of bleach and some distilled water. I got the bleach. No water. And somehow ended up $26 poorer with a bunch of other crap), then proceed to do my favorite thing: watch the Office. Somehow, while sitting around peacefully watching my show, I decided that I’m NOT going to see Maria (Dominican lady)in the morning, and I’ll just relax my hair myself! So before I changed my mind, I run into the bathroom, and immediately mix the crème, knowing that once that’s mixed, there’s no turning back. Now I have NEVER given myself a relaxer before. Ever. In my almost 30 years of existence (good grief…almost 30? *sob*). But I figured that even though I was scratching my scalp wildly all day long, since I’d heard such good reviews about the Phyto relaxer, that I’d be fine. It wouldn’t burn at all! LIES! ALL DAMN LIES!!!

10:05pm:

First off, I’m pretty sure I over-processed. There’s no way I could’ve followed the instructions and applied the whole mixture in 7 minutes. In 7 minutes, I was halfway thru my first quadrant of hair!! Had my timer out and everything!! So I trudge along anyway, even tho I’m definitely over time and do the best I can. Tried to leave the edges out for last as per the instructions. I think the edges laughed at me tho, knowing they were going to be absolute bastards. I almost wept in sorrow. I couldn’t be mad tho, because 1) I was clearly over my allotted time, and 2) I definitely should’ve chosen index 1, not 2. I’m not brand new to my fine hair. 

11:02pm:

SO finally I hop in the shower with my neutralizing shampoo, which clearly states that I must keep applying and rinsing out all the relaxer, until the suds stop being pink and turn plain white. When the suds stop being pink, all the relaxer is out the hair. 10 hours later in my mind, I’m on my 7th wash, and my fingers look like raisins, and its STILL pink. So I decide to leave it in, and since my shower looked a little grimy, went and got my Tilex, Axion and my scrub brush and got to work. Then washed out the shampoo one last time. Still pink. I gave up. Refused to wash one more time. My fingers were on the verge of becoming nubbins. Not that serious. 

11:55pm:

I applied the Milky restructurer (I guess that was the conditioner that came in the Phyto kit), sat with that for 20 mins and watched some more Michael Scott, then went into the shower, rinsed that out, only to hate the feel of my freshly relaxed hair, so I decided to deep condition my hair. 

12:30:

I threw in my Silicon Mix and coconut oil mixture, and placed myself under the dryer for 20 minutes. I guess that helped somewhat. After that, I went to the kitchen and got my apple cider vinegar and some drinking water (b/c I didn’t but the distilled water that I set out to get), rinsed out the deep conditioner in warm water, then gave my head a final rinse with the cold ACV mix. Out the shower, I broke out my leave in and more coconut oil. Still didn’t like the slight crispiness, so I made a conditioner. 

1:45am:

Did a rollerset, and now here I am, under the dryer, at 1:51am, typing this b/c I’m bored all over again. 

SO basically, my boredom at 9:30p, has led me to more boredom at almost 2am. I should probably read a novel or something….should’ve had that bright idea a long time ago. Maybe then my hairline wouldn’t be on fire! I’m gonna go back and watch the Office now. Holla!!

I was just having a conversation with my friend about the dangers of McDonalds and how the food is straight up rat poison (he just heard about the McRib, which I wanna try, but I’m deathly afraid to. The fat in that may just drop kick my artery – HIYAAAHHH!!! Instant death). He responded with “cant wait for the day when i afford to only buy the poison at whole foods or @ Yes Organic!” And at that moment, I had a small epiphany. I’m convinced that grocery stores and refrigerator makers are in total cahoots!

Why is a fridge so big? Everytime I go to the grocery store, I feel pressed to make sure I buy up enough things to fill my fridge and freezer, whether or not I need the actual groceries. Because I truly hate staring into the back of my fridge. Makes me feel like I’m in college and suffering with scurvy all over again. And I’m grown now with a job, paying my own bills. So I’m sure I can afford to fill the fridge anyway. 

SO I go to Publix, spend $150 on some food, cart looks slightly full so I feel pretty good, I walk to my car, load in my 8 bags and head home. When I’m done unpacking in the fridge and the pantry, guess what? I’m still pretty much staring at the back of the damn fridge!! The top shelf has 2 Dole juices and the Brita that lives there. 2nd shelf: 1 loaf of whole wheat bread, half of a tomato, half onion, mini box of egg whites, fruit. 3rd shelf: bag of flour that’s been there forever, along with the oatmeal and cornstarch that are the same age as the flour! Crisper drawer: bag of spinach, onions, scallions, carrots, bunch of random green foods. 

Bottom drawer: like 20 bottles of spring water that my roommate put in there (I don’t know how he eats. All the groceries in the fridge are mine. Except that almost empty container of feta cheese that’s been there since ’72). Anyhoo, that’s my fridge: DONE. Freezer: chicken breast, salmon, frozen veggies, frozen dinners, box of waffles. DONE. Pantry, like 4 cans of beans and canned veggies. 

I look around at my inventory and am now wondering, seriously, what here did I list out for $150? Does my massive Frigidaire sound full to you? Think of your average sized fridge (the side by side, not the top/bottom one), and now imagine my fridge! Still MIGHTY EMPTY! Then a friend comes over, looks in my fridge, asks me if I’m on a diet, or if I’m broke and cant afford food, and says I need to stock up. Ugh! So I’m compelled 2 days later to go back and drop another hundred bucks to further fill the damn refrigerator!!! 

But guess what I noticed? The food that I’ve purchased is MORE THAN ENOUGH for just me. Feeds me quite well for the next 2 weeks. Everyday. Breakfast/lunch/dinner. SO I now believe it’s a mental thing. Grocery chains call up GE and Maytag and Frigidaire and I’m sure the conversation goes a little something like this “Hey Johnny, that new fridge you’re making, yea, make sure the fridge is big and deep. So what if it’s only a 1 person household? They need a big fridge anyway. Just in case they throw a party and need to store leftovers….yea, that’s right…leftovers…we’ll go with that…”